Regarding Death

By Akemi

In mornings of hope

You tread the land

Of soft green hue

And mellow rays of sunshine

So bright thy name,

So bright indeed!

And in your brightness there lies...

A pitch of black

With a little bit of mourn

Reckon!

The lone nights of worry

Shall I sing another day?

Or shall they find my body in bed...

Lifeless, naked and pale

Never to sing nor dance.

A world past liminality-

Do heaven I go, or in the pits of hell I suffer?

Or perhaps I'll be stuck in purgatorio

Waiting for prayers of friends close to heart

And strangers I was destined to befriend

But the cord was cut too short.

Oh if I fall into the night,

What shall become of me?

Shall my soul see myself in the pure white coffin

That I have dreamt of those a many nights

Or shall my soul be claimed by the wheel

And be blessed by another life

To spread love and goodness

In any form granted.

Or shall I return to the elements?

To the earth that embraces me to eternal sleep

Or to the wind who has heard my voice

In waters who nurtured my body

And in fire which warms up the soul

Or...shall nothing become of me but be dead?

To those nights you fear,

Oh you fear indeed!

That in your brightness lies...

A pitch of black and mourn

And in your name follows...

The shadow of sun and moon

In your lifeness...

There is death

Yes, these nights of needless worry,

You close your eyes and embrace the darkness.

Written on June 21, 2013

Thoughts on Orwell's 1984

*WARNING!  SPOILERS AHEAD.  IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK YET OR HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET, I SUGGEST YOU DON'T READ AHEAD.  OR IF YOU WANT, YOU COULD SPOIL YOURSELF TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT*

A few years ago, I have read George Orwell's  "The Animal Farm".  Since I have been utterly moved by how the novel displayed political ideas that similarly haunts my home country, I have decided to read his other popular novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984).  Well, the actual reading of it has been put off many times due to several reasons but when I encountered this golden book almost three weeks ago - I knew I just had to bring it home!  Those thin cracks on the front cover, the blunted edges of the book and not to mention the rough and ashen pages of this print makes it all the more interesting to read.  It feels as though, it had come from the dystopian time where Winston exists.

Look at this baby!

A world with endless war...that is the future Orwell had created. A future where no man can freely speak, write, think nor do what he wants. Words are shortened to abbreviations and sentences are obliterated.  If they must think, think in Newspeak! People are encouraged to dispose of the old English and to narrow their vocabularies as much as they can.  It is a world where the past is in absolute change and the personal and/or collective memories of people are to be doubted. A world where you don't watch the telescreens, THEY WATCH YOU (and even monitor your heart rate as soon as you turn your back). A world where chaos IS the order to follow. And yet, in this hopeless setting, Winston and Julia found love.  (T-T)    And this is not your typical "boy meets girl" type of romance - it was a homicidal relationship!  That's why  I was so shocked when Julia made that grade school confession.  I didn't imagine an "I love you" in that paper she passed to Winston so discreetly. It didn't even cross my mind!  Here was Winston detailing on how he would kill her with that glass paperweight and then all of a sudden she was in love with him. I expected conspiracy, the underground brotherhood, a secret message calling allies against Big Brother.   But no, it just had to be love.  Orwell got me on that one real good.  

The proles are the hope

After that, they went on a love making spree.  Not that I expected anything pure in their relationship though.  Winston is a healthy middle aged man with sexual activities deprived from his daily living, for years!  What do you expect when both of them meet in secluded locations in the outskirts of the city? It's a funny thing to note too that after their first love making, almost 40 more pages (not sure on the page count, but it was long) are spent on their continued nakedness.  And yes, sorry for my naivety but I was taken aback with the sudden nudity in the film.   I guess I haven't imagined far enough when I was reading the book.  I was all right with it though.  Just...a little surprised the first time.   It took long enough before the "real" conspiracy started.

Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once.

True to the paranoid thoughts of Wilson as he wrote away in his notebook, he was captured by the thought police after "joining" the fake resistance group.  I knew it!  That O'Brien was trouble. He was suspicious from the start.  Years ago, when he told Winston that they will meet in a place with no darkness, I knew of his evil intentions. What was ironic about that was, he may have been the one to spark the rebellious thoughts of Winston by delivering those misleading words.  He planted the seed of doubt in Winston then left him opportunities to act on his own will until he did the opposite of what the party has allowed an outer party member to act on.  Like buying the notebook and quill from Old Charrington to start the diary in Oldspeak.  Or continuing the affair with Julia under the Inner Party's noses.  He was tortured in the Ministry of Love (aka Miniluv in Newspeak) for who knows how long!  Winston was treated as if he was the insane one and reformed into thinking that "2+ 2 = 5" if Big Brother wishes it so.  Truthfully, I couldn't fathom what he underwent in Miniluv when I was reading the book.  I felt bad when I was reading  the part where O'Brien showed Winston his hideous form in the mirror but I almost cried when I saw the movie!  

Look at that pitiful face!

I thought to myself, "Aw men, I would totally be losing my mind after that."  How much more do they want to degrade him to nothing?  And then BAM!  Room 101 cracked Winston to the bones.  I have to be honest that I liked how the movie built up the Room 101 suspense by the montages of it opening to a bright open field.  But, the way the book described how Winston surrendered his love for Julia to save his own butt, got to me better.  In the movie, the Room 101 was almost anti-climactic.  Or was it in true observance, anti-climactic?  Come to think of it,  Winston and Julia's reunion in the movie had the same feel as well.  Their reunion in the book felt so poignant!  The feeling of betrayal and helplessness.  Wah!  I most especially felt as guilty as them when the line, "underneath the chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me" rang out in the novel.  

Dun Dun Dun!  Mr. Charrington of the Thought Police

However, I just have to say, that the most surprising character in the book had to be Mr. Charrington!  In the book, and somehow even in the movie (though I know from the book that he was part of the thought police), he struck me as an inconspicuous character.  When I was reading the book, I just had to reread the arresting part again because I couldn't believe what had happened.  There could be some mistake!  I mean, he was this sweet old guy who had a lovely wife then all of a sudden, he wasn't.  I just had to make sure, if I was too sleepy to understand what was going on.  In the initial phase of Winston and Julia's arrest, the mysterious voice that came out of the hidden telescreen was a bit confusing because he just kept on repeating what they had said.   

Winston: "We are the dead."

Julia: "We are the dead."

Mr. Charrington: "YOU ARE THE DEAD!"

(After the telescreen was revealed)

Julia: "Now they can see us."

Mr. Charrington: "Now we can see you...(more dialogue)

Winston: "The house is surrounded."

Mr. Charrington: "The house is surrounded."

Julia: "I suppose we may as well say goodbye."

Mr. Charrington: "You may as well say goodbye!"

Who wouldn't be confused by that? So, after making sure that my reading wasn't affected by my sleepiness, I succumbed to this fact. Talk about utter betrayal.  Mr. Charrington really left a bitter aftertaste.

Overall, Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984) is a great read like Orwell's Animal Farm.  The latter novel illustrates how a republic erected with altruistic intentions can turn into a host for parasitic oligarchs. The former, goes far into the future, wherein the oligarchs have created a perfect system to keep themselves in power. In all honesty, it didn't strike me the same as Animal Farm but it brings about the same message to us.   That we must protect our freedom from oligarchs.  Don't be ignorant!  That will lead to opportunists to build this type of false democracy and shall  eventually subject the mass to do their biddings.  It may seem like a troublesome feat but believe it or not, the fact that you are thinking of "being aware" is troublesome for you and unnecessary is already a start of ignorance.  And from there, spreading your opinion on how troublesome it is to educate yourself will hop on every person you know like wildfire.  Then you are left with people who are apathetic.  Ah yes!  The perfect breeding ground for oligarchs no?

Most touching moment of the film, Winston succumbs to his fate

At the end of the film, I was still touched and felt heavily disturbed as I did when I have read the novel.  Nineteen Eighty-Four is definitely one of the best political novels there are in existence.  So read it!


Bonus screenshots that I got from the movie:

Two minutes hate?  Not really how I imagined it

Winston's face as he tries to see what kind of smile Big Brother has under that stache

Booya! Duck face!

A Message to Mom I

In the twenty three years of my life, I think I have never completely told you how important you are to me.   I want you to know that your existence to me is like water.  An essential need to my everyday.  And  though I do (literally) say that I love you, not only with words but with hugs and kisses as well, I feel that it is always insufficient.  That it will always be lacking.  I feel that no matter how many times I give my appreciation, it would never amount to the affection and dedication you gave me your whole life.   Was a hug enough for the warm meals you make every morning?  Or would a kiss take out the stress of staying up late to patch up my uniforms?  I slip by a lot of times without even saying the word "thank you"...and I am truly sorry for those times.  It's not that I don't appreciate you. I am just so grateful to you mom, beyond the countless words my mind can think off.

Remember when I was a kid?  We used to live in this big and lonely house.  For me, the world was the wide living room with the few furniture.  You were there, neatly sitting across the room from where I keep my robot toys and Tomy cars, diligently watching over me.  Mom, I bet you don't know, but in my memories you were a giant.  However, you were a gentle one.  I can remember how I used to look up to you knowing that I can never reach you.  So little and powerless. Then, you'll go and pick me up with your caressing hands to encase me in a warm embrace.  I felt really loved.

As I grew up, I was a little messed up.  I was arrogant and egocentric.  But you know, a kid will always have that phase at one point in their lives.   I am sorry for threatening to leave the house once.  Was it because of the dessert I loved very much?  I can't really remember what the cause was but I am fairly sure it was a childish reason.  I thank you for putting up with me and my rather difficult personality. Whenever I did something wrong, you would punish me but in kindness.  In Florante and Laura, I remember this line,"Pag-ibig anaki'y aking nakilala, di dapat palakhin ang bata sa saya."  You made sure not to spoil me for it will be far more cruel for you to do so.  Although, I still remember that ruler you used to spank me with in fear (Well, mostly it was lolo's belt that I remember in true fear), I look back at the memory with pride.  Mom, you loved me very much to be cruel at times that you need to.

During my awkward teenage years, how could I possibly forget about your warm welcoming of my adolescence.   I bet you worried a lot for me.  I know how reluctant you were in letting me out to the world. For you know how it works, you have raged your youth in it and found how scary the outside world would be.  But you respected my age and acknowledged my petty wisdom.  Slowly, you let me out of my castle to spread my little wings.  You helped me take that first step to independence and supported me in whatever decision I made.  I thank you mom!  I never would have pulled through today if you haven't allowed me so.

Now, as a young adult, you face yet another hurdle in motherhood.  I have expressed my intention to leave the house after saving up some money.  You must feel lonely just thinking about it.  Maybe that is why you always feel lonely...because you are thinking of the near future of me and Aiko leaving you. Please remain strong and courageous as you are!   Remember that we always love you even if we are far away.  From the day I was but a little baby inside your stomach, you have filled me with the seed of love that grew with every warm touch and kisses you gave me.  It will continue to grow and it shall bear fruit to every thing I do.  And perhaps yes, in moment's glance, I'll be planting seeds of love as well in your grandson's (or granddaughter's) heart just as you have with us.

Please continue to support me in everything!

I love you mom!  You're the best!  

A Look at the Red Cross First Aid Instructor Training

In the pursuit of personal development and self improvement, I have, once again, committed myself to volunteering.  This time around, I am dedicating my time to Red Cross's SmartStart Program for teaching multilingual individuals first aid.   It's been almost a year since Amelia Foster, my wonderful first aid instructor, directed me to this program and finally, things just fell into place. I was rather frustrated last summer when no news came from Red Cross.  Apparently, there were some funding issues last year so the SmartStart Program couldn't be executed.  Who could blame them really?  A thousand dollars ($1,000) worth of training for each volunteer was needed and if not enough money was allocated to the program then it won't run.

A picture of the Red Cross Lower Mainland Center in Burnaby, BC

We first engaged in the two days "standard" first aid course.  I took it last year with Amelia but Kenny, the head of the SmartStart program, said that it is better to take it to refresh our memory.  After all, we will be teaching the course itself, so, repeating all of the content would reinforce that knowledge to your brain.  the more you remember, the more accurate and detailed your lecture will be, right?  And, lo and behold!  The manikins we used during the first aid course.

Resusci Anne manikins

These are older dolls compared to the ones I first encountered when I took the Standard First Aid Course last year.  Amelia had those Anne dolls with a flashing light at the acromion end of the clavicle.  If the light is green, it means you're doing the compression at the right pace, depth and force.  However, if it is orange (or red?)  it means, you are either doing the compressions too fast or too slow, too light or too heavy.  But of course, those kinds of manikins are more expensive.  And as much as I know how Kenny would like to update the equipment for teaching first aid, she can't really spend money on that right now, considering the mishap that happened last year wherein the program wasn't able to run because of money restrictions.  Maybe in a few months or so, they will have a few of those manikins.  Or maybe they already have it but they just don't bring it out much.  Anyway, when you are in the field, it wouldn't matter if you used those more advanced manikins or not.  All that matters is how you will be able to deliver CPR immediately and as accurately as possible.  No flashing lights to tell you that you're doing it right or not.  Just the unconcious person in front of you, a lot of bystanders and your knowledge of first aid.

So aside from practicing the cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), we also practiced almost all of the skills in the first aid hand book.  Bandaging and splinting took the longest!  We weren't able to finish on the first day and had to carry over the lower extremity splinting on the second day.   And it's also kind of funny how we were dismissed earlier on the second day, considering how we covered a lot more topics that day.  Maybe it's because there were fewer questions that day and a lot more floor work.  After all of the skills were done and Kenny was satisfied with what we were showing, we wrapped things up.

After care!

From left to right:  Irene, Mona, Me, Sun, Sam, Kenny and Silvia

I asked to take home a baby doll because I found it hard to give the baby breaths.  I wasn't satisfied with the practice I had and felt that I could improve if I practiced more at home.  Kenny was happy to lend us all the dolls!  Elie Mei practiced with me and pretended to be the baby's mother.  It made practice more fun!  The skills test went fine after that so I guess I have to thank my little sister for being in character for me.  From here on out though, I have to retain the knowledge I got and strive to improve the detail I put in practice.  That way, I could improve the content of my teaching.   I can't wait to share these magnificent life saving skills with other people.

The Baby Anne manikin I took home :)

Hoping to better myself along with Red Cross! 

Liminality

A poem on experiencing liminality brought about by disability

Liminality 
By Akemi

Alive but dead
Dead yet still breathing
Life has robbed me of its treasures
All that I was,
And all that I'll be
'tis no more

As the people join hands
To set the world in motion
I fell out of role
In the darkness of day
You see me..
With blind eyes

I ponder upon my reflection
Though I am whole, I am broken
My hands no longer craft
My feet no longer stride
The fiend cut deep
To rob even my soul

In dreams I embark on lost adventures
Of the life I never had
Of the life I've wished I had
Slumber away 'til my moving feet are reality
Dreams are all I need...
Dreams are all I need...

(May 18, 2012)

Genbu Kaiden finally ends

This is totally unrelated to occupational therapy but I felt that I really REALLY needed to blog about it.  Since the year 2007, I have been diligently reading Yuu Watase's Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden.  Anime fan or not, you may be familiar with Fuushigi Yuugi.  Well, this is the story of the first ever maiden who entered the book of the four gods - two hundred years before Tamahome and Miaka's love story set into motion.  Truthfully, I had doubts before reading it for two nonsensical reasons (now that I look back to it). One, I haven't exactly read the past work of Yuu Watase although I have watched the anime Fushigi Yuugi.  And you know, not to demean Miaka's story but I just grew out of that "too cheesy" stuff (and the reverse harem factor).  So I kind of expected it to be with the same feel as the last one.  Boy, was I wrong.  Second reason, I knew it was tragedy.  I didn't want to read it knowing it was going to end in Takiko dying.  Tragedies stick to me until I sublimate it into something like what I am doing right now.   Otherwise, I'm going to think of it for days!  But I'm glad I did decide to click that first chapter.  One chapter was all it took and I knew I just had to finish this manga.  It didn't help when suddenly Watase decided to put it on hiatus in 2008).  All of us waited for almost five years.  FIVE YEARS!!!  That felt like forever!  I mean come on, with the 2012 apocalypse ringing back in 2010, I was thinking, "There is no way the world is going to end before I know what is going to happen in Genbu Kaiden!" And yes, Watase-sensei didn't fail us.

A love this pure deserves to have a happy ending

Five years for this fulfilling ending

Took my two favorite pages, which by the way, still makes me cry when I read them. Kudos to Genbu Kaiden Love who scanlated the whole series!  Without your hardwork, I never would have known Uruki and Takiko's pure love. 

Unofficial Guide to CAOT Application for IEOTs

Since I got here in Canada, a lot of my friends have been asking about how to apply to for the National Occupational Therapy Certification Exam and so I decided to make a detailed post about it.  Just a reminder to you guys that this procedure is for World Federation of Occupational Therapists (WFOT) accredited schools; however, you are very free to read it if you would like.

BASIC WEBSITES
First and foremost, let's go over the basic websites to access the information you need in your endeavor.  I have to say, it took quite some self assertion to tie up the loose strings in this puzzle. Listed below are the websites with a simple description and the basic knowledge you can get from them:

1.  Canadian Association of Occupational Therapists

The first thing you'll see when you click the link above

The prime of them all!  Everything and anything you need to know about applying starts from here.  The steps you must take in applying is detailed there.  You can find both the application process for the WFOT accredited and the Non-WFOT in this website.  However, you can easily get lost in this website as there are a lot it covers and it is in your discretion to filter what you need to read from what you don't.  I spent hours trying to filter those stuff but don't worry, I have a smart advice about browsing the site.  So, upon entering "CAOT Central".  That blue rectangle up there in the main picture, the site will open up with this:

CAOT Central page

So, what I want you to do is ignore all other tabs aside from the one that has a red arrow pointing to it.  Once you have clicked that, the page should look something like this:

The IEOT page in the CAOT website

Okay, this time you must take your time to read and understand just what an IEOT is.  From my point of view, the explanation is as plain as day so there is really no need to divulge on its meaning.  In the next websites that you will check, the term IEOT will be a standard.  At this point however, you must note whether you come from a WFOT accredited school or not because the path you take for application is totally different as IEOTs.  So, from there you have two choices to follow.  One is to just click the eligibility requirements page I have provided here for both WFOT accredited and Non-WFOT accredited schools or you follow the other path I will provide. For the second path, you must click the National Occupational Therapy Certification Examination (NOTCE) link found on at the bottom of the first division of the site. You will be redirected to this:

The NOTCE page from the "Students" tab

From here, you must click the link that the red arrow is pointing.  This page frequently changes so this might not be the one you'll see if you're going to visit the site again in November.  However, I believe that the link to the "eligibility requirements" is always there.  After clicking the link, you will be redirected to the "International Graduates" page that is also located on the first division of the page.  From there, you'll you can easily follow the steps in applying.

2. Internationally Educated Occupational Therapist Portal

This website is specially made for IEOTs like us.  It is a great site that simplifies the things you need to go over for your overall transition of practice here in Canada.  See that encircled icons below?  Those are the things you need to go through and if you get lost during browsing (because the pages will redirect you to other websites), you just need to go back here and click on what you have yet to cover.

IEOT Portal main page

The greatest thing I love about this website is the "Success Stories" page.  I really recommend that you take time to watch their videos there.  They really give you a glimpse of what to expect in applying and in practicing occupational therapy here in Canada. And of course, they give out really handy tips.

3. Citizenship and Immigration Canada

As you may have read already from the learned from the second website I have listed, it is compulsory to emigrate to Canada. As far as I know, you need to have a permanent resident status or you have papers in process for getting into Canada to apply for the exam. In this website, you'll find it easier to navigate.  My tip is to know what type of application you want and then search the tabs located at the upper side of the main page.

See how friendly the site is?  You'll know more when you navigate through it

Let's put a little depth on what to search so that you won't get lost in the site.   If you have at least two (2) years of experience in the occupational therapy field, you can apply for the "Skilled Workers and Professionals".  The downside of this is I think you have to have an arranged employment contract.  Another important matter that may limit this choice is that the government of Canada is cutting down on getting skilled workers and professionals to migrate.  I do not really know why but that is the last I have heard.  You might want to go check the website time and again to get updates. My family and I went through the "Provincial Nominee" process.  You might want to check that out as well.

Other  Important Websites 

Aside from those three basic websites, you will need to decide on what PROVINCE to practice in.  Deciding on where to practice at this early stage is essential because there are some differences in "registering" for practice per province.  Let's say in the Western parts of Canada like The College of Occupational Therapists of British Columbia, the language requirement is English.  However, in the Eastern parts like in College of Occupational Therapists of Ontario, the better choice of language is French.  I believe that there are also provinces that do not allow temporary practice without a license and there are those many who allow it if you are already eligible for the exam.  Check out this page to know see the list of provincial regulators.


CONTACTING THE RIGHT PEOPLE

Now that you know the basic information, it is time to contact people.  At this point, there are two important people you must contact - the Exam Services Administrator in CAOT and one staff from the provincial registry (the registrar I think).  You can also e-mail them in their general mailing address that is exam@caot.ca for CAOT and again, your preferred provincial regulator.  For those interested in British Columbia, mail this address info@cotbc.org.  They will reply to you in one business day. Yes, that fast.

So, after knowing who to contact, you must learn on how to contact them.  Although you are going to contact them, you must do it with finesse.  Be sure to address them properly and as how they would like it.  For example, when Mr. Ryan Govern, the Exam Services Administrator of CAOT, replies to you and said that you can address him as Ryan, you do so.  Otherwise, you will be culturally inappropriate.  However, if he does not permit you so, you will remain calling him as Mr. Ryan.  Subsequently, you must construct the body of the letter in an organized manner.   Ideas and questions expressed clearly will get an answer with the same transparency or at least I believe so.  Of course don't forget to introduce yourself before you actually ask a question.  Lastly, sign with your whole name and your title.  If you need help in articulating yourself in writing, you better start learning now because having that skill gives you an edge.  Mr. Ryan McGovern will ask you to construct a cover letter to accompany your application form.  And you will also need to construct cover letters when you apply for jobs.  Actually, you write cover letters here for almost everything!

Also another option is to call CAOT and the provincial regulator to ask your questions but I think e-mailing is as good.  Better perhaps!  Because you can browse through it again.


DOCUMENTS NEEDED

For the documents you need, I am pretty sure it is almost everything I got from my school.  I ordered a lot of documents!  And honestly, I can't remember their descriptions but I'll try hard to list them down.  Here is the list:

1. Diploma
2. Transcript of Records
3. Certificate of Internship
4. Course Syllabus (with description)
5. Certification that the school is WFOT accredited
6. Certification of Graduation
7. Certification of Completion (?)  - hmmm...I'm not sure about this
8. Other certificates (e.g. academic scholar certificate, dean's lister certificate, etc.) although I don't think this matters much

Okay, so after contacting Mr. Ryan on applying and you have sent the application, you will need to have the documents above reviewed.  A year before, you need to pass it to BCIT but now they made it easier.  They recruited the World Education Services (WES) to assess the documents.  You can also find the WES link in CAOT.  The required assessment is the basic document by document credential report.  Other documents I have missed in the list may be listed there when you browse through the application.


THE COST

Costs will be tearjerking, I tell you.  Once your application is approved, it will cost you an immediate 500 CDN . 200 CDN for your language assessment and 120+ CDN for the credential assessment.  Add to that the money you need to get all of the documents you need in your school. One thing you need is a credit card to make payment handy but a cheque would do nicely as well.  You just need to make sure it gets to Canada safely.  If you intend to use a cheque, please do not, DO NOT send it through ordinary mail.  Send it via couriers (if they allow it).


There are a lot of information to digest, I know.  And perhaps with all of the meticulous process you need to go through, you will be discouraged.  However, I assure you that Canada is a great country to go to.  The people are willing to help you as long as you don't give up on them.   I suggest giving it a try before letting the idea go.  After all, you will only go as far as you think you'll go.