What Else To Do?

What Else To Do?

I think, Lord, of heaven

I think, Lord, of You

I think, Lord, of Mother

What else to do?

In a world so restless,

This heart swims with fear

Of the false light it offers

In the new age, nothing is dear

Then what else to do truly?

But contemplate on God

To know His army in heaven

Saved by His Mighty Rod

What else to do truly?

But break each day for our kin

To profess heaven and be a witness

To His throne that overcame sin

What else to do, Lord?

But give praise to the Living God

With angels and saints, sing! Glorifying Him

'Til our voices unheard to ourselves

Let our cups overflow to the brim

What else to do, Lord?

But bring my heart

Leave everything behind

Then the new creation

Start

March 22, 2015

Pride

Pride

How much is it 

To break a man's heart

Until it turns ice cold?

A thin slip of ice over Grace

Can crystallize deep

Without the Blessing of Water

How much is it

To temper acold a man's heart

Until it turns to steel?

Layers of rust

Moves deeper and deeper

To cover the Blood of Life

Some hearts more clear than others

Cracks of the glorious fight

Lay visible to the eye

Some hearts opaque with darkness

As if it has long been made

Of coldness...not flesh

How much, oh how much Mother,

Can a man's heart

Grow hard in pride

As if love never entered

Mother, how much vanity 

Can a man's heart hold onto

Until the thorn

Pierces His soul deep 

And it cries for salvation

Or has it already?

For in the beginning,

Pride was our sin

And in generations henceforth;

Pride is passed on 

And oh, how it calls upon its friends

From the abyss

To lead astray 

In our dark intellects

Play questions that strive to stir our hearts

To rid of the Light of Love

How they play Mother,

How they play...

Even promises of salvation

Can be clouded with pride

"To be a saint"

My lips dare say

The evil one offers

My name resound in generations to come

How vain of me, my Lord

To think of such enticing

How vain, my Lord

Forgive me...

Forgive us...

For breaking ourselves for ourselves

In Your word, we lean not

And when graced, how soon

We turn to stone

And hold onto Your merciful blessings

As our making

Can we Lord be deserving still of You?

Can we Lord still deserve to return Home?

Oh sing thy heart, then sing!

Stir up the Living Water in thy soul

Cry for the Lord and lay your case

For He'll rather have You that

Than you be lifeless of indifference

How hard can a heart be

Tell me...

How hard can one's heart be

Brother, sister, how hard can your heart be?

If the Lord shall give you signs

That you ask,

Still, doubt pierces your heart.

Then you ask again with a vain heart.

His most pure heart, you pierce

And He bleeds, He bleeds

To cleanse your never-ending iniquity

With His love

How much more do you pierce Him

With your hard heart

Until you're satisfied?

Each time, you will to make heavy

The heart no longer flesh

Until it sinks to darkness.

Where has your pride taken you

But to death, each day

Here and now,

You choose...

Break and be alive!

Alive in Him

April 26, 2015

All That's Left Is...

All That's Left Is...

Borne of water

My soul...

The name You've written

On Your hand

Springing forth from

A thousand thoughts of dreams

At last You call!

Happy thy heart

How peaceful thy soul

To serve its Maker

On a mission bound for Home

As poor as I am, Lord

You've shone Your Majesty

And shared with me thy Mother's wisdom

Left in arms of angels and saints 

To realize then

Much love You've given me

All that's really left is 

To share it

April 25, 2015

Baptism of the Holy Spirit

Baptism of the Holy Spirit

Today, 

Our hearts are a battlefield.

He who was risen

Fights valiantly

In the desert of our hearts.

To win over

The territory hidden

By the walls of pride.

Today, 

We are fought for.

Today,

Our soul shall tremble

From the majesty of the Risen - Of Christ

Brothers and sisters,

Today,

We are claimed 

Let vanity crumble

At His word

To let the Holy One 

Immerse in the debris

We lift you up

At the foot of His Cross

Where much healing is dropped

Surrender and fill it!

Fill it with Love and nothing else

As your unworthiness surfaces,

Fear not, for we have a haven.

The Blessed Mother and her saints

Shall send down a shower of roses

And our souls shall

Ever be consoled

By His fragrant Love.

Today,

Let us toast for the victory He promises.

Today,

We are kindled anew.

Forever ignited in His Love.

Only...say yes.

November 23, 2014

Faith

Faith

Tempered, calmed

Iron wrought to sound

Melts to Thy heat of Love

And hardens to banish doubts rebound

Have I Lord, given Thee my heart?

Have I Lord, been brought to You?

Have I Lord, been claimed for paradise?

For I feel it through and through

In this Earth, I am set apart

And yet called to be One with my fellowmen

Have I Lord been bought for heaven?

For surely, my heart, it is Peace

And Lord, 'tis true,

In people, I see

Your will in me

A kindness seeps through the soul 

By and by...

Merciful,

Thank You for this gift...

This faith for a doubtful heart

Let me share it then 

With my brethren

The Love it is borne from

And may You, Lord

Never take it away

For without faith, 

Without Love...

My soul shall crumble 

In coldness

Let me then die for Love

Let me then die for You...

December 29, 2014

Have I Loved?

Have I Loved?

Tell me...

Have I loved lately?

Through the briars, pricked my heart to love

Tell pray...

Soon as the burst of light

Fills to the brim

Have I loved?

Too soon, we pull from thorns

Scathe from shadows past

Wallow in collection of self-indulgence 

Pray tell!

Have I loved?

In this cycle, we feed none

But the weeds of pride

'Til thorns grow round the heart

Letting no love in, nor love out

What then lives?

What then dies?

Take apart the heart 

To save what is left 

As each compartments grow small

In its love

Half a heart given,

Half of half shall return

Until thorns grow hard and thick

Like corundum

Yet corrodes easily in spite

Like chalk

What then is left?

What then is gone?

What then...is love?

I pray, Lord, should my heart

Give way to hardness

That you break it to pieces 

Wet the debris with Your grace 

And mould it once more in Your healing

Then I shall say to You,

Oh Merciful God!

"I am saved by Love!"

Saved from the pride

Saved from the thorns

Saved from myself

Most Gracious, Most Gracious...

Should fear take hold 

And shackles bind my mouth

Let me smell Your Mother's roses

To remind me of You

Let my heart be as fearless as Yours

To choose Love each time,

To take in the wrath and hurt of others,

Lift them up to the Father

And it shall be gone

Then, oh then, My Lord

My lips dare say,

"Ah..."

"I have loved..."

Written October 12, 2014

Finished October 23, 2014

Silver Thaw

By Akemi

In the waking midst of winter,

Little Jack Frost invited a game of tag,

As I bound for home,

He gleefully skips along the pavement-

Leaving a glistening carpet of the night sky.

He left a mark on the path yonder,

As each puddle was playfully stomped on-

Aha! A silver thaw on every block.

As I am sure to lose this game 'til deep winter comes,

To when the barren Earth is blessed

By tiny nymphs of Father Christmas

Neatly laying an endless carpet

Of virgin snow at our humble abode-

Like confection over cake.

A sweet promise of something wonderful this season.

(December 9, 2013)

Regarding Death

By Akemi

In mornings of hope

You tread the land

Of soft green hue

And mellow rays of sunshine

So bright thy name,

So bright indeed!

And in your brightness there lies...

A pitch of black

With a little bit of mourn

Reckon!

The lone nights of worry

Shall I sing another day?

Or shall they find my body in bed...

Lifeless, naked and pale

Never to sing nor dance.

A world past liminality-

Do heaven I go, or in the pits of hell I suffer?

Or perhaps I'll be stuck in purgatorio

Waiting for prayers of friends close to heart

And strangers I was destined to befriend

But the cord was cut too short.

Oh if I fall into the night,

What shall become of me?

Shall my soul see myself in the pure white coffin

That I have dreamt of those a many nights

Or shall my soul be claimed by the wheel

And be blessed by another life

To spread love and goodness

In any form granted.

Or shall I return to the elements?

To the earth that embraces me to eternal sleep

Or to the wind who has heard my voice

In waters who nurtured my body

And in fire which warms up the soul

Or...shall nothing become of me but be dead?

To those nights you fear,

Oh you fear indeed!

That in your brightness lies...

A pitch of black and mourn

And in your name follows...

The shadow of sun and moon

In your lifeness...

There is death

Yes, these nights of needless worry,

You close your eyes and embrace the darkness.

Written on June 21, 2013

Liminality

A poem on experiencing liminality brought about by disability

Liminality 
By Akemi

Alive but dead
Dead yet still breathing
Life has robbed me of its treasures
All that I was,
And all that I'll be
'tis no more

As the people join hands
To set the world in motion
I fell out of role
In the darkness of day
You see me..
With blind eyes

I ponder upon my reflection
Though I am whole, I am broken
My hands no longer craft
My feet no longer stride
The fiend cut deep
To rob even my soul

In dreams I embark on lost adventures
Of the life I never had
Of the life I've wished I had
Slumber away 'til my moving feet are reality
Dreams are all I need...
Dreams are all I need...

(May 18, 2012)

If I were to die... (Simple Clean Version)

Death is perhaps the most appalling subject I could ever discuss with anyone.   Still, I believe that it is also the most attractive topic I could ever pick to dissert.  Why is death so repulsively beautiful?  That is something I keep wondering myself.   I assume that at one point in time all of you have thought about death  in various ways and yet came down with the same dreadful conclusion - we all die.   It's a sad truth we have to take.  And no matter how indifferent we may seem about the fact, we still do worry and wonder.

Death in plain and simple words - the cessation of all the cells that supports an organism's life force.  How complicated is that?  Six feet under the ground, we'll all be rotting away to join the lifestream once again.  Same as our ancestors that came and lived before us on this bountiful earth.  That is how I thought of death before I turned fourteen.  Easy peasy really.  It's by the book and well supported by science.

All of that changed in an instant...

My bestfriend Melanie Avila died in January 11, 2005.  (If you are a close friend of mine, you probably know about this fact.) I have, in truth, adapted quite healthily in coming into terms about her death. Although, at the other side of the truth, I have not quite forgotten everything about her death.  Adaptation is not forgetting.  It is acceptance.    In a span of seven years, I slowly learned to accept the painful truth - she is gone.  But there never was a day that I wouldn't think about her.  I always do.

Just wanted to share a magnificent artwork about life and death I found on 9gag

When death falls near you or your loved ones, you'll perceive it differently.  At the age of fourteen, I learned about it.  Isn't that a reality check too early?  Heck no!  Think about a 9 year old boy who has seen his mother close to dying two times in a freak accident.  Now that is a wake up call to mortality too early.  That same boy, believe it or not, came up to the World Vision booth and picked a child to sponsor.  In turn for the ordeal, he has developed empathy and compassion at such an early age.  That is something only a person who has met and/or glanced death before their eyes can understand.  

So if I were to die, and die very young, I would like to bring with me memories of happiness.  That in every smile I give, I touch a heart with sincerity.  That in every word I mouth, I bless a soul with kindness.  That in every action I do, I move a person into action.  Life is short, I have learned.  I don't want to waste my time in nonsense.  I don't want to wait in a corner and mutter endless excuses.  I will do, not brood.  If I were to die, and die very young, I would like for my friends to talk not only of good things about me but as well as my faults.  For I am not a god, I am human and err I do.  I am nice to the point of bad but I am not perfect.  I am not a messiah who will save humanity - I am just plain Akemi.  Same as everyone else.  If I were to die,  and die very young, I do not want any awards of any kind.  I have always thought of that as silly.  You can't take that to your grave nor can you proudly say you have earned it.  If I were to die, and die very young, I'd like to apologize to those I have left.  I can imagine how hard it would be for you guys.  Especially for my two little sisters whom I love dearly.

Lastly, if I were to die...I would like to be remembered.  Just that.


And no I don't want to be sent away with words of a love song :)

Awaiting Romance

by Akemi

Twenty years of dreaming..

A prince and his white horse to come

Twenty years of singing..

A song to which he will listen

Twenty years of love..

A place in my heart not told

Twenty years of a life..

With much ardour to spare

Twenty years of … yes, perhaps..

A little more to wait

For the romance of a lifetime

(January 16, 2011)

A Woman's Glory / Kapurihan ng Babae

A Woman’s Glory

by Akemi

The hair is cut

But the weight remains

The burden of faith

Makes it heavier

The knees give in

The head hits the earth

Kapurihan ng Babae

ni Akemi

Pinutol na ang buhok

Ngunit ang bigat ay naiwan

Ang pasan ay paniniwala

Ginagawa pa itong mabigat

Bumigay ang mga tuhod

Ang ulo ay bumagsak sa lupa

(April 12, 2010)

Empathy

by Akemi

Feeling…

Understanding…

To see not

But paint another’s portrait

With one’s colors

A picture not so perfect

A relationship less troubling

A world closer to a dream

(September 11, 2010)

Inferiority Complex

by: Akemi

Met an eagle in flight;

How does he keep himself so high?

The eyes' meeting - I cower in place...

The eagle gracefully landed;

How does he do so?

Closer yet still far - I'm awed...

I do what a weasel does;

Trying to be the best at it

Scouted around - I notice others...

All listened to the eagle;

How majestic he really is

Everyone aspires - I remain low...

Is there such a thing as equality?

A mere weasel like me knows;

Just a glance - I'm left behind...

Eagle's eye

by: Akemi

The Eagle lives in solitude

Soaring over the vast sky

Watching over the consecrated land

With a song under His wings

Days have passed, 

The fields of lush green,

All tainted by red and black

So are the deaf souls

Today will have gone by

The Eagle still, watching the land

In solitude, He soars

His song unheard

Milestones

by: Akemi

The child wanders - 

The grass and the leaves.

Naivety bound ideas

Action is "play"

The youth explores - 

The "swaying" of grass and the "glistening" of leaves

Dreams blossom

The treasure hunt begins.

The adult lives - 

Th "life" of the grass and leaves

Through action reality is made

Yet the dreaming doesn't stop.

The old waits - 

The "withering" of grass and the "falling" of leaves

The body ages, yet

The dreams remain innocent.

Rendezvous with a stranger

by: Akemi

Led in a corner - unexpected meeting

Held hands and the stream glowed

An instance of trust then doubt again

Shall I find thy kindness pure?

In this restless world, many are masked

Moving about like planktons at sea,

The soul's window glistens then clouds again

Shall I trust thy face pure?

God works in silence, we say

How about the devil?

The mystery upon meeting remains

Shall I believe thy words pure?

Scared of people's scrutiny, I flee

This affair is chasmic

I repair it though nothing's really broken

I leave everything to FATE...

Give yourself a day

Here  is a poem I've written last May 24, 2012.  I wrote it when I felt really helpless and it perked me up after.  I pray to those who read it to take time for themselves. Please allow yourself a day...

A DAY TO MYSELF

By Akemi

A day I give to thee

My priced treasure, myself

A day to brood 

A day to ponder

A day to be selfish

And eat food with wonder

A day to feel 

A day to think

When all is wrong

And you're at a brink

A day it is

A day it shall

To fulfill your greatest wish and

Hope that tomorrow, also it shall

A day to escape all of it

And also a day to come back

A day to find you

A day to know you

A day to realize the greater things

And find the small you

Living in a world of wonders

Give yourself a day guys and find where your heart wants to go :)