Silver Thaw

By Akemi

In the waking midst of winter,

Little Jack Frost invited a game of tag,

As I bound for home,

He gleefully skips along the pavement-

Leaving a glistening carpet of the night sky.

He left a mark on the path yonder,

As each puddle was playfully stomped on-

Aha! A silver thaw on every block.

As I am sure to lose this game 'til deep winter comes,

To when the barren Earth is blessed

By tiny nymphs of Father Christmas

Neatly laying an endless carpet

Of virgin snow at our humble abode-

Like confection over cake.

A sweet promise of something wonderful this season.

(December 9, 2013)

Typhoon Haiyan: Rising From The Rubbles

"Through people I see, Your will in me - 
A kindness seeps through the soul,
By and by"

I am awe-inspired by the people mobilizing to extend their help in different ways to the Philippines after Typhoon Yolanda has struck Visayas. More than five thousand people were killed and tens and thousands of people were rendered homeless by this disaster. Friends back home, volunteer with the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) to sort out clothes and pack relief goods to be distributed in Visayas.

Levi Azarcon, Yang Bautista and  Erika Pabon after packing relief goods at DSWD NROC Pasay
Photo Credited to Levi Azarcon

Lanekar Uriarte sorting clothes( ^ - ^ )
Photo Credited to Lanekar Uriarte

Here in the first world, we are doing our best as well.  People, regardless of race, are extending help in their own ways.  Many donate material needs such as clothes and canned goods but even those who already donated these donate money as well.  The government announced that monetary donations to registered charities will be matched up.  Which means that, a dollar donated by Canadians to charity will be another dollar donated by the federal government to the Philippines.  Among the charities that are widely endorsed by establishments such as cafes and restaurants are the Canadian Red Cross and World Vision Canada.  Other registered charities can be found in the Department of Foreign Affairs website.  Last November 15, I had a chance to fundraise for the Typhoon Haiyan Relief Program with three (3) magnificent volunteers.

From Left to Right: Muhammed, me and Carlo!  Jodie hasn't come yet

"The funds will not only help my own people in short term but with the long term as well, as they start building their lives from the ruins."

We managed to fundraise three thousand CDN ($3,000.00) just from that day alone!  Starbucks, as I know, have donated three hundred fifty thousand CDN ($350,000.00) already.  I also see some fundraising events on the local community board scheduled even after the match up date is done.  In Youtube, you can see people from different places with their own fundraisers as well. Help is pouring from every corner of the world. I am grateful beyond words because I know how much a dollar can help them, sardonically, more so than the local government usually provides.  And yes, in the midst of the oligarchs' continuous farce, it's great to see that people still have the will to help.  I'm sure that a lot of North Americans were rather turned off when Anderson Cooper started pointing out the faulty ways of the government.  What he said was the naked truth!  It reflects how disorganized our leaders are in their priorities. It reflects how easily the supposed leaders put blame on their own people and not in their own incompetency to conduce swift and rhythmic organization amongst the people.  And most importantly, it reflects exactly what the government has been doing with the public's money the past couple of decades. With the super large budget cuts from different departments - including health and education -  in the past five years, public hospitals are so poorly funded to even function at these times. One can't also expect programs for training individuals in times of disaster.  How ironic, really, since storms happen almost every month.  The only thing people know how to prepare for these calamities is to "go to evacuation centers" - which by the way, are old school buildings and open gyms.  When can the higher ups learn to stop playing the blame game like kids?  When can the public get the help they deserve from their own government?  When is the time that a disaster this big happens that we won't need other nation's help?  That we can stand up, and organize ourselves for once.  Tell me, when?

The world weeps with the Filipinos in this unwanted tragedy. Although storms are never new to the Philippines, the trauma from the mishap always is.  For now, as we wait for the time when corruption finally meets its end, our fellow kin faces this nightmare with their bright smiles and resilient hearts. Stay strong, Philippines!

Reflections On Red Cross's SmartStart Program

" True connection with people transcends the vast network of vocabulary you have. It forms amorphously between beings yet, when it is born, it has the most well-defined shape you'll ever see."

At the start of the cold winter season, Red Cross has been busy warming up vulnerable communities with information on basic first aid skills and disaster preparedness with the SmartStart Program.  A diverse team of multilingual volunteers have been empowering immigrants for more than a decade now, by equipping them with skills that will prepare them for emergencies and undaunted disasters as they live out their lives here in Canada.


The first class that I taught to was in my native language - Filipino.  It was for the Multicultural Helping Housing Society (MHHS), a non-profit organization devoted to help newcomers in Canada.  The class consisted of quite a large number of  people - around 20 individuals or so.  Thankfully, the room was really large! Large enough to even accommodate a crowd twice the size. It was held in one of the much isolated tri-cities, Port Coquitlam.  Maria Luisa, a long time Red Cross volunteer, has helped me pull through the whole session.

From left to right:  Roy Recarse and Gigi Recarse from MHHS; Maria Luisa and Me

First SmartStart Multilingual Injury Prevention Class

In all honesty, I was relieved that my first class was in my own language.  It's like a preparatory class for my ESL classes.  The first class allowed me to reflect on my knowledge and skills.  To temper the dynamics of teaching and gauge my ability to make connections with my students and make connections between themselves as well.  I tried to make it as engaging as possible to make them feel that in that class, I share my knowledge but they are free to share their ideas as well.  Overall, I didn't have much problems with explaining complicated things with my them.  Whenever there is something they cannot understand, I find Filipino words that can fill in the definition. That is one of the perks of speaking with people with your own mother tongue.

The next class that I taught was in ESL.  It was held in the Burnaby English Language Centre at Sussex Avenue.  Kenny - our coordinator for the SmartStart Program - and Kevin, an ESL teacher at the centre, were there to support me in teaching.  I was really nervous as it was my first ESL class.  The people in the class were at level 3; though I did read up some stuff on how a student learns at that level, I found it really hard when I was already on the floor.  Looking back to it, I think I wasn't my best at that time.  It was hard for me to make a genuine rapport and connection.  I felt like I was sharing and yet the connection was amiss at times.  Watching Kevin do comprehensive questions as the class was ongoing made me admire ESL teachers a lot.  I felt that they were really "in sync" with each other. I want to feel that "real" connection Kevin has shown, where you feel that you and your students are on the same ground.

Honestly, after this first ESL class I felt crappy as a person.  Lonely even.  I pondered on people and making connections.  I remember people telling me that my English is great and that I was rather smart but when it comes down to truly making a bond (well, new bonds at the most), I felt that those really aren't what I need.  I remember reading off a blog about Fitzgerald on smart people and it went like this:

"Being an intellectual is a curse and a blessing at the same time. I’m not like most people and as such I have little in common with “normal” people who are able to more successfully navigate the world we all inhabit. I often ponder what it would be like to be of a more average intellect, mind you I wouldn’t classify myself as super-smart but I’m quite above the average. But I’m not really willing to give it up either. So I soldier on and work at being more normal and less of a savant. It’s a struggle and it requires lots of mental and psychological gymnastics to meet people were they are and on their terms, something that’s not required of more normal people for the most part."

I kind of understood what he said regarding his struggles on connection. I use so many flowery words (that yes, poets might appreciate) but I can't seem to cater the right words for them to understand.  I don't even know how I should level most of the phrases and words I use, to my dismay.  Words like minor or integrate. - they are the average for me.  Then, as I try to pull out a word from memory to define the complicated words, I find that I just told them yet another complicated word.  My mind was clouded with word retrieval that day as I struggled to chop my words down more.  I realized how disorganized my word bank was!  (Hahaha)

It's good to know though that after much reflection, I have come up with good conclusions of my own.  First, that is in teaching, your connection with your students will help not only you in sharing your knowledge but it will also help them to remember your words as well.  Second, that one needs not form a "superficial" connection but rather strive for a "true" connection. True connection with people transcends the vast network of vocabulary you have. It forms amorphously between beings yet, when it is born, it has the most well-defined shape you'll ever see. Lastly, that no matter what kind of person you are, if you strive to make a connection then surely, you'll be answered back.  You will have a hard time understanding them sometimes due to language barrier but so will they. So, don't worry much on awkwardness. (Just try not to look awkward, I guess)  As long as both parties wish to understand and be understood, no large lexicon is needed.  

Overall, it was a magnificent experience and I think I'll grow more from the following ones.  I look forward to my future students!  Let us learn together.

Seven Ways To Motivate Yourself

As part of the rehabilitation team, we occupational therapists use our disposition to be therapeutic.  In the purest sense, we must be motivated to move others.  For how can a full-fledged bonfire start without the tiny sparks?  But, of course... we are human as well; and oftentimes in our adult lives, we face daunting situations that leave us feeling dejected.  Even for some, the everyday "normal" lives make us feel dull and jaded - that we are stagnant of some sort.  This slump can go on for as long as you allow it to.  And yes, when you're in that pit of boredom and frustration, you might start to think that that is where you ought to be - decrepit and useless.  As Dr. Seuss said, "Un-slumping yourself is not easily done."

Here I share with you the things I usually do when I'm in a slump.

1. Take a walk 

I've found that when you wake up in the morning and you feel that certain uncomfortable nudge of the slump, it will set out to keep you at home.  If it starts to whisper, then the best thing to do is to GO OUT. Take a walk!  By taking a slow walk outside, you'll be able to give yourself time to reflect. You'll notice small things that you've never concerned yourself with before.  Minuscule circumstances like a child walking with their parents, an old lady waiting for the bus, teenagers walking with their friends on the pavement and cars bustling by as you take your walk.  Random acts of kindness like a man opening a door for the next person or walking by the dangerous side of the pavement to shield a stranger.  And in that simple walk you took, you'll be filled with obscurity of wonders - how people in your small community live their best in small ways.  That your existence may be small but significant and surely, as you traveled from your house to whichever direction you went, you're unmotivated self too shall pass.  

2. Read something inspirational 

I always believe that words have spirit. That whatever kind of words you speak can hold a person captive or unbind them if you will.  It goes the same for whatever you feed your mind.  Words that you read can inspire you into motion or keep you prisoner in your current mindset.  True to my belief, I have survived the adjustment phase in Canada by living on my everyday "inspirational something".  Be it a quote from a scientist of the past century, a contemporary poem or a Dr. Seuss book, I read them and let them linger in my mind.  It's even funny to admit that I look forward to reading Vancouver 24 Hours's horoscope because I find them inspiring.  The way in which they construct their sentences are always so positive and encouraging. I also have this application with lots of motivational quotes that randomizes quotes everyday. I start my day empowered by such words and still do.

Here is a list of quick motivational reads and links to quote sites I frequent:

1. Don't Quit Poem - a very famous poem since I was a child.  Whoever wrote it, kudos to you.

2. If - by Rudyard Kipling - this is a great poem to make you start reflecting on yourself.

3. Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley  - a poem that will make you realize the world is never stagnant.

4. On Quitting by Edgar Guest - a poem telling on how hard it is to let go of something you truly love.

5. Brainy Quotes - frequent site I visit for quotes.  They have an archive of quotes in landscape backgrounds.

6.  Think Exist - frequent site I visit again for quotes.  No pictures however.

7. I Like To Quote - an imageboard for quotes that is easy to share with social media.
8. Incidental Comics - I recently discovered the genius of Grant Snider.  He has some really great stuff in his site about a variety of topics.  Well, mostly art but still his works are quite inspiring.

3. Listen to music

Much like how words move you, add melody to that and you have magic.  I grew up in a house filled with song and I've realized how music can generally empathize with you to heal your soul.  To me, listening to music is like breathing, like going back to the basics of life.  There's nothing like a song that can express your remorse and unmotivated self then another different song to cheer you up out of that slump.  Listening to music always has that connection to one's soul.  It hooks deep and fishes out those bad feelings and can patch it up nicely with warm, positive ones.  

Here is a list of some moving songs I like and recommend (may contain Japanese songs):

1.  Closer To The Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars - a song about determination in life and looking past your regrets.

2.  What Doesn't Kill You (Makes You Stronger) by Kelly Clarkson - definitely one of those songs to pump up your day with self confidence

3.  Firework by Katy Perry - an uplifting song on inner beauty and potential.

4.  Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield - I heard this song first from a shampoo commercial and got hooked!  It's about taking the future into your hands.

5. What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong - quite an old song that will make you reflect on the bigger picture of everything. You'll be thankful for the small things that make up your life.

6. It's My Life by Bon Jovi - it's a lovely rock song about following your will and pursuing life with unrelented passion.

7. Have A Nice Day by Bon Jovi - another Bon Jovi song that string up the daily dose of courage you need.
8. Defying Gravity (from Wicked) by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth - from a broadway musicale about fighting for what you believe in.  There is  a Glee version but I prefer this better.

9. One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks - a song about reaching your goal by taking one small step after another.

10. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato - Demi's comeback song rising up after failing many times

11. Who You Are by Jessie J - a very powerful song speaking of loving yourself as you are.

12. The Climb by Miley Cyrus - Disney Miley's song on facing obstacles in life.  

13. Try by Pink - a new song by Pink about taking chances in love.

14. When You Believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey - a classic song by two unbeatable divas of our time regarding having faith.

15. Bad Day by Daniel Powter - probably the most famous song in the list if I might say so. The most empathetic song in the list too. Who would've thought it was released a decade ago?  

16. Complain by David Archuleta - a song from Archie's 2nd album which moves you to action.  

17.  That's The Way It Is by Celine Dion - a love song released almost 15 years ago that never fails to uplift my mood.  It's about not giving up and working hard in your relationship.

18.  Chances Are by Five for Fighting - actually a love song but speaks of taking chances on life.

19.  Warattetainda by Ikimonogakari  LYRICS TRANSLATION - a song that describes strongly moving into an optimistic future .

20. Dareka ga by Puffy AmiYumi  LYRICS TRANSLATION - a popular song from the anime Naruto that speaks of supporting each other in fretful times.

21. Muteki no Kimi by Fukuyama Masaharu  LYRICS TRANSLATION - a song by my favorite J-artist about independent women and their courageous souls.

22. Against Wind by Akutagawa Jirou - a song from the anime Prince of Tennis about adversity and how you could overcome it.

23. Brave by Sara Bareilles - a fairly new song about standing up for yourself.  The video is quite interesting as well like here "Uncharted" one.

24.  Makenaide by ZARD  LYRICS TRANSLATION - an old Japanese song from the 90s about not giving up.

25. Uncharted by Sara Bareilles - I love this song!  It speaks of moving forward from where you are now to your goal.  

4. Do something productive

Unbeknownst to many, accomplishing a little task everyday could greatly improve your disposition.  Setting a small goal such as arranging your clothes in the closet or trimming your house plants and finishing it can help you feel fulfilled throughout the day.  Take a moment to think about the time when you are in an upsetting mood, then you engaged yourself into something that produced results. There is a certain satisfaction in that. The feeling is small but its effect in your soul resounds through your body - like a raindrop creating a ripple in a larger body of water.  Start by doing small things a day then proceed to bigger tasks to complete.

5. Keep a hobby

There is nothing comparable to immersing yourself in things in which you can express yourself freely. In the midst of the almost maddening effects of the slump, you'll find that engaging in your hobbies will keep you sane.  It is entirely different from other activities which we "put effort" in most of the time, as the motive to do them comes intrinsically.  The motivation to do them comes out naturally as though the hobby was already part of you even before you were born.  Thus, we rather than expending energy and getting tired, we become emotionally charged when we do our hobbies.  If you don't happen to have one or feel like you need a hobby change, then try looking at the community board and find something that may pique your interest.  

6. Self-reflect and move on

I confess to my abysmal habit of reflection.  Most especially towards myself.  I have always been delving in thoughts of queries and answers.  At times when I feel unmotivated, I try to look inside myself to find the reason as to why I am in such state.  Why do I feel down?  What events lead to me feeling suddenly unmotivated?  What did I do to remedy those?  If there weren't anything I can do about those things, then what am I supposed to do?  Those kinds of questions come up and somehow, through the long process of rationalizing with yourself, you'll be able to know just where you stand right now in life.  And from there, you'll pick up on your trail.

A beautiful art about self-reflection found in Incidental Comics!

7. Pray

I find that at times when everything just falls into chaos and that no matter what I do, I can't seem to relieve my restlessness, I pray.  When you've tried all of the things that can possibly cure your seasonal slump and still it won't go away, perhaps it's time to surrender your mind to a Higher Power.  You'll find the peace you need.


That's it for my 7 ways to motivating yourself. These are the things that work for an introvert like me.   I suggest browsing through the song list!  They are absolutely wonderful. And feel free to suggest things that work for you when you're unmotivated on the comment box!   I might try it out and see if it will fit for me too.  (*^_^*)

Here is a little advice I got from Aboriginal Day (@^ - ^@)

OTepp's Final Bow

For several years now, the Occupational Therapy examination and practice preparation (OTepp) project has assisted a multitude of internationally educated occupational therapists (IEOTs) seeking to enter the healthcare system in Canada.  OTepp has guided IEOTs to achieve the level of competency needed to enter occupational therapy practice here.  In fact, the program serves not only as a government funded program intended to develop IEOTs to the populace's liking but it also serves as a modern-day agora where OTs from all around the world can gather and illuminate each others' mind with cultural diversity.  Sadly, this wonderful program is in its last year.  

A farewell party was held at the Sheraton Vancouver Wall Centre Hotel in Burrard last July 16.  Most of the current students and even some former ones along with the McMaster University staff were present. It was nice to see and actually meet the people behind the voices during the online classes - Shami, Sue, Colleen and even Nancy to whom I was in contact with since I was an intern. (sorry if I missed some names) And even though I was only able to enroll for the 3rd and 4th module - which is the using evidence in practice and the clinical reasoning respectively - I was welcomed with much warmth.  

Here are some of the pictures from the party:  (courtesy of Miss Pinky Valerio)

Printed invitation for the farewell party

Sue Baptiste giving the opening speech

Group picture number 1!

Group picture number 2!

OTepp has made me realize a lot of things about the passion I pursue - that is occupational therapy.  Primarily, I realized that there is a huge difference of OT practice here and my home country, the Philippines.  Here in Canada, where the local communities play a big part in the overall country's development, an OT needs to know of the resources he/she can access in the community.  If you know your community well, you can better integrate the client into that community.  Like for example, what is the difference of a residential home versus an assisted living home?  And how would you utilize that resource in practice?  Subsequently, an OT does not only present literature as evidence of the management but he/she must also learn how to sift those articles to fineness.  With the lack of access to the large database during medical school, I am surprised how I even learned evidence-based practice.  I definitely learned a lot more about research in OTepp (inspite of the fact that we were best thesis in our year).   Lastly, I have realized that occupational therapy practice in the Philippines will remain stunted unless the government shifts its educational system to cater the Filipino mass.  I am quite inclined on the political situations happening in my home country since I entered College.  (Click this on my post about poverty and another Tagalog post about a 16 year old who committed suicide because of her tuition fee)  And it is easy to see how the social sciences have not grown that well for the past few decades.  What the Philippines needs is to have real identity through the social sciences.  Identity in which we can define the occupations every Filipino engages in.  This in turn will develop an occupational therapy of our own.  But yeah, maybe it's just me being too over reflective again.  Anyway, I think it's a nice brain candy.  

Perhaps we should trace back our roots for OT to thrive

Coming from a third world country myself, where the North American healthcare system seems more like fiction than reality, I feel relieved to know that there is an organization that can help you understand the complex framework of the health care.  And truthfully, with unintentionally jumping the first two modules due to complications with my documents, I have yet to completely understand how the health care system works.  I did a lot of self reads in order to properly engage myself in the online discussions; promptly following Shami's advise to improve my self-directed learning (aka assertive learning).  Still, when I reflect on the past year, I can't imagine starting from nowhere!  OTepp was my "start" sign on the game board of my career (and probably for most IEOTs as well).    

With OTepp's last curtain call, I bid the staff good luck with the program.  I pray you find alternative funding for this wonderful program.  And to those IEOTs I keep in touch with, may we meet in the health care world proudly carrying OTepp's legacy with us.

A Letter to My Wendy's Family

Dear My Wendy's Family,

It has been a long ten months since I have been welcomed in your home.  Although it seems to me that, I came as quickly as I had to leave.  I am writing this to all of you- crew members, shift supervisors and managers alike - to express my eternal gratitude for accepting me at Wendy's.  Since I landed in Canada last June 2012, I have been aggressively pursuing a job to fund my transition for occupational therapy practice here in Canada.  I felt hopeless and frustrated with the seemingly unlucky things that happened last year.  My diploma and other credentials were on hold because of my surname, two of my much anticipated volunteer works were pushed back and I literally had no money to invest in things that could start up my career as an occupational therapist here in Canada.  I felt utterly useless at home.  Looking even at the people who were carrying out their daily occupations made me miss my work as an occupational therapist. So when I was called in for an interview along with my little sister, Aiko, I was enthusiastic!  "This is it!", I thought.  I can earn money. Miraculously though, I wasn't just given a job; I was embraced wholly as part of a family.   The My Wendy's family.

And to my dear kin, I want to share the little achievements I have accomplished for the past year.  These are  the things that I proudly got from the opportunity you have given me.  First and foremost, I was able to reserve my spot for the National Occupational Therapy Certification Examination (NOTCE).  I had all my credentials assessed and I took an academic english test (TOEFL) in preparation for that.  Subsequently, I invested in books! Here are some of the books I have longed to own when I was still in med school.  Yep!  I have them now.

Latest editions of OT books I needed

Upper extremity rehab books that I wanted since internship

I was also able to buy myself a cellular phone to connect with my friends from far away.  But, needless to say, I am most proud of my decision to sponsor children from World Vision with my bi-weekly salary.  Much like Dave Thomas's Foundation for Adoption, I advocate for children as well.  My hard earned money is giving children in my parents's hometown a chance to have basic education.  They are given the privilege to have new bags, notepads and pencils that they normally can't afford every academic year.  Their washed away books can be replaced by new ones.  They can play in the fields and be kids as they should.  When Wendy's gave me this job, two kids are given back their childhood.  For that, I am evermore grateful.

Meet little Clarence

My Wendy's Family, I write this to you with heartfelt ardor. You have fostered in me qualities that every parent would be proud of. Each and everyone of you showed me the real light to seemingly jaded words like working hard, kindness and humility.  These are words that are used so casually today that it loses its essence.  You guys made me realize that we don't get paid just for every hour we stay there, we get paid for the value we bring to that hour.  And that surely, if you did your best and strive to improve, you will be rewarded. 

The fruit of hard labor! Yey!

I have learnt the true meaning of Dalai Lama's words, "Be kind whenever possible. It really is possible."  Customers love the service we give because of the kindness that flows in our smiles.  That simple hello with a bright smile is not just for show.  We are nice because we want to be nice.  And oh!  The things we do for even the most unreasonable requests by customers!  But that is real humility there.  Thinking less of how you could avoid getting responsibilities and focusing on giving the guests a positive experience. Everytime I work, I feel my name growing brighter by the second. (reference to 明美 - akemi)

With all that said, I close this letter with another thank you.  For having me, nurturing me to best that I can be and also for letting me go. I am sure that my ephemeral experience at Wendy's will permanently leave a mark on my life.  It will always be there - immutable, unshaken but magnificently resounding.  My time with you guys will be one of the many things that will shape my career; that I firmly believe.  I will be always proud to say that I have started out here in Wendy's Guildford.  Like this guy with a nice smile!

That serene smile catches everything I just wrote hahaha

Love,

Akemi

Regarding Death

By Akemi

In mornings of hope

You tread the land

Of soft green hue

And mellow rays of sunshine

So bright thy name,

So bright indeed!

And in your brightness there lies...

A pitch of black

With a little bit of mourn

Reckon!

The lone nights of worry

Shall I sing another day?

Or shall they find my body in bed...

Lifeless, naked and pale

Never to sing nor dance.

A world past liminality-

Do heaven I go, or in the pits of hell I suffer?

Or perhaps I'll be stuck in purgatorio

Waiting for prayers of friends close to heart

And strangers I was destined to befriend

But the cord was cut too short.

Oh if I fall into the night,

What shall become of me?

Shall my soul see myself in the pure white coffin

That I have dreamt of those a many nights

Or shall my soul be claimed by the wheel

And be blessed by another life

To spread love and goodness

In any form granted.

Or shall I return to the elements?

To the earth that embraces me to eternal sleep

Or to the wind who has heard my voice

In waters who nurtured my body

And in fire which warms up the soul

Or...shall nothing become of me but be dead?

To those nights you fear,

Oh you fear indeed!

That in your brightness lies...

A pitch of black and mourn

And in your name follows...

The shadow of sun and moon

In your lifeness...

There is death

Yes, these nights of needless worry,

You close your eyes and embrace the darkness.

Written on June 21, 2013

Thoughts on Orwell's 1984

*WARNING!  SPOILERS AHEAD.  IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK YET OR HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET, I SUGGEST YOU DON'T READ AHEAD.  OR IF YOU WANT, YOU COULD SPOIL YOURSELF TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT*

A few years ago, I have read George Orwell's  "The Animal Farm".  Since I have been utterly moved by how the novel displayed political ideas that similarly haunts my home country, I have decided to read his other popular novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984).  Well, the actual reading of it has been put off many times due to several reasons but when I encountered this golden book almost three weeks ago - I knew I just had to bring it home!  Those thin cracks on the front cover, the blunted edges of the book and not to mention the rough and ashen pages of this print makes it all the more interesting to read.  It feels as though, it had come from the dystopian time where Winston exists.

Look at this baby!

A world with endless war...that is the future Orwell had created. A future where no man can freely speak, write, think nor do what he wants. Words are shortened to abbreviations and sentences are obliterated.  If they must think, think in Newspeak! People are encouraged to dispose of the old English and to narrow their vocabularies as much as they can.  It is a world where the past is in absolute change and the personal and/or collective memories of people are to be doubted. A world where you don't watch the telescreens, THEY WATCH YOU (and even monitor your heart rate as soon as you turn your back). A world where chaos IS the order to follow. And yet, in this hopeless setting, Winston and Julia found love.  (T-T)    And this is not your typical "boy meets girl" type of romance - it was a homicidal relationship!  That's why  I was so shocked when Julia made that grade school confession.  I didn't imagine an "I love you" in that paper she passed to Winston so discreetly. It didn't even cross my mind!  Here was Winston detailing on how he would kill her with that glass paperweight and then all of a sudden she was in love with him. I expected conspiracy, the underground brotherhood, a secret message calling allies against Big Brother.   But no, it just had to be love.  Orwell got me on that one real good.  

The proles are the hope

After that, they went on a love making spree.  Not that I expected anything pure in their relationship though.  Winston is a healthy middle aged man with sexual activities deprived from his daily living, for years!  What do you expect when both of them meet in secluded locations in the outskirts of the city? It's a funny thing to note too that after their first love making, almost 40 more pages (not sure on the page count, but it was long) are spent on their continued nakedness.  And yes, sorry for my naivety but I was taken aback with the sudden nudity in the film.   I guess I haven't imagined far enough when I was reading the book.  I was all right with it though.  Just...a little surprised the first time.   It took long enough before the "real" conspiracy started.

Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once.

True to the paranoid thoughts of Wilson as he wrote away in his notebook, he was captured by the thought police after "joining" the fake resistance group.  I knew it!  That O'Brien was trouble. He was suspicious from the start.  Years ago, when he told Winston that they will meet in a place with no darkness, I knew of his evil intentions. What was ironic about that was, he may have been the one to spark the rebellious thoughts of Winston by delivering those misleading words.  He planted the seed of doubt in Winston then left him opportunities to act on his own will until he did the opposite of what the party has allowed an outer party member to act on.  Like buying the notebook and quill from Old Charrington to start the diary in Oldspeak.  Or continuing the affair with Julia under the Inner Party's noses.  He was tortured in the Ministry of Love (aka Miniluv in Newspeak) for who knows how long!  Winston was treated as if he was the insane one and reformed into thinking that "2+ 2 = 5" if Big Brother wishes it so.  Truthfully, I couldn't fathom what he underwent in Miniluv when I was reading the book.  I felt bad when I was reading  the part where O'Brien showed Winston his hideous form in the mirror but I almost cried when I saw the movie!  

Look at that pitiful face!

I thought to myself, "Aw men, I would totally be losing my mind after that."  How much more do they want to degrade him to nothing?  And then BAM!  Room 101 cracked Winston to the bones.  I have to be honest that I liked how the movie built up the Room 101 suspense by the montages of it opening to a bright open field.  But, the way the book described how Winston surrendered his love for Julia to save his own butt, got to me better.  In the movie, the Room 101 was almost anti-climactic.  Or was it in true observance, anti-climactic?  Come to think of it,  Winston and Julia's reunion in the movie had the same feel as well.  Their reunion in the book felt so poignant!  The feeling of betrayal and helplessness.  Wah!  I most especially felt as guilty as them when the line, "underneath the chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me" rang out in the novel.  

Dun Dun Dun!  Mr. Charrington of the Thought Police

However, I just have to say, that the most surprising character in the book had to be Mr. Charrington!  In the book, and somehow even in the movie (though I know from the book that he was part of the thought police), he struck me as an inconspicuous character.  When I was reading the book, I just had to reread the arresting part again because I couldn't believe what had happened.  There could be some mistake!  I mean, he was this sweet old guy who had a lovely wife then all of a sudden, he wasn't.  I just had to make sure, if I was too sleepy to understand what was going on.  In the initial phase of Winston and Julia's arrest, the mysterious voice that came out of the hidden telescreen was a bit confusing because he just kept on repeating what they had said.   

Winston: "We are the dead."

Julia: "We are the dead."

Mr. Charrington: "YOU ARE THE DEAD!"

(After the telescreen was revealed)

Julia: "Now they can see us."

Mr. Charrington: "Now we can see you...(more dialogue)

Winston: "The house is surrounded."

Mr. Charrington: "The house is surrounded."

Julia: "I suppose we may as well say goodbye."

Mr. Charrington: "You may as well say goodbye!"

Who wouldn't be confused by that? So, after making sure that my reading wasn't affected by my sleepiness, I succumbed to this fact. Talk about utter betrayal.  Mr. Charrington really left a bitter aftertaste.

Overall, Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984) is a great read like Orwell's Animal Farm.  The latter novel illustrates how a republic erected with altruistic intentions can turn into a host for parasitic oligarchs. The former, goes far into the future, wherein the oligarchs have created a perfect system to keep themselves in power. In all honesty, it didn't strike me the same as Animal Farm but it brings about the same message to us.   That we must protect our freedom from oligarchs.  Don't be ignorant!  That will lead to opportunists to build this type of false democracy and shall  eventually subject the mass to do their biddings.  It may seem like a troublesome feat but believe it or not, the fact that you are thinking of "being aware" is troublesome for you and unnecessary is already a start of ignorance.  And from there, spreading your opinion on how troublesome it is to educate yourself will hop on every person you know like wildfire.  Then you are left with people who are apathetic.  Ah yes!  The perfect breeding ground for oligarchs no?

Most touching moment of the film, Winston succumbs to his fate

At the end of the film, I was still touched and felt heavily disturbed as I did when I have read the novel.  Nineteen Eighty-Four is definitely one of the best political novels there are in existence.  So read it!


Bonus screenshots that I got from the movie:

Two minutes hate?  Not really how I imagined it

Winston's face as he tries to see what kind of smile Big Brother has under that stache

Booya! Duck face!

A Message to Mom I

In the twenty three years of my life, I think I have never completely told you how important you are to me.   I want you to know that your existence to me is like water.  An essential need to my everyday.  And  though I do (literally) say that I love you, not only with words but with hugs and kisses as well, I feel that it is always insufficient.  That it will always be lacking.  I feel that no matter how many times I give my appreciation, it would never amount to the affection and dedication you gave me your whole life.   Was a hug enough for the warm meals you make every morning?  Or would a kiss take out the stress of staying up late to patch up my uniforms?  I slip by a lot of times without even saying the word "thank you"...and I am truly sorry for those times.  It's not that I don't appreciate you. I am just so grateful to you mom, beyond the countless words my mind can think off.

Remember when I was a kid?  We used to live in this big and lonely house.  For me, the world was the wide living room with the few furniture.  You were there, neatly sitting across the room from where I keep my robot toys and Tomy cars, diligently watching over me.  Mom, I bet you don't know, but in my memories you were a giant.  However, you were a gentle one.  I can remember how I used to look up to you knowing that I can never reach you.  So little and powerless. Then, you'll go and pick me up with your caressing hands to encase me in a warm embrace.  I felt really loved.

As I grew up, I was a little messed up.  I was arrogant and egocentric.  But you know, a kid will always have that phase at one point in their lives.   I am sorry for threatening to leave the house once.  Was it because of the dessert I loved very much?  I can't really remember what the cause was but I am fairly sure it was a childish reason.  I thank you for putting up with me and my rather difficult personality. Whenever I did something wrong, you would punish me but in kindness.  In Florante and Laura, I remember this line,"Pag-ibig anaki'y aking nakilala, di dapat palakhin ang bata sa saya."  You made sure not to spoil me for it will be far more cruel for you to do so.  Although, I still remember that ruler you used to spank me with in fear (Well, mostly it was lolo's belt that I remember in true fear), I look back at the memory with pride.  Mom, you loved me very much to be cruel at times that you need to.

During my awkward teenage years, how could I possibly forget about your warm welcoming of my adolescence.   I bet you worried a lot for me.  I know how reluctant you were in letting me out to the world. For you know how it works, you have raged your youth in it and found how scary the outside world would be.  But you respected my age and acknowledged my petty wisdom.  Slowly, you let me out of my castle to spread my little wings.  You helped me take that first step to independence and supported me in whatever decision I made.  I thank you mom!  I never would have pulled through today if you haven't allowed me so.

Now, as a young adult, you face yet another hurdle in motherhood.  I have expressed my intention to leave the house after saving up some money.  You must feel lonely just thinking about it.  Maybe that is why you always feel lonely...because you are thinking of the near future of me and Aiko leaving you. Please remain strong and courageous as you are!   Remember that we always love you even if we are far away.  From the day I was but a little baby inside your stomach, you have filled me with the seed of love that grew with every warm touch and kisses you gave me.  It will continue to grow and it shall bear fruit to every thing I do.  And perhaps yes, in moment's glance, I'll be planting seeds of love as well in your grandson's (or granddaughter's) heart just as you have with us.

Please continue to support me in everything!

I love you mom!  You're the best!  

A Look at the Red Cross First Aid Instructor Training

In the pursuit of personal development and self improvement, I have, once again, committed myself to volunteering.  This time around, I am dedicating my time to Red Cross's SmartStart Program for teaching multilingual individuals first aid.   It's been almost a year since Amelia Foster, my wonderful first aid instructor, directed me to this program and finally, things just fell into place. I was rather frustrated last summer when no news came from Red Cross.  Apparently, there were some funding issues last year so the SmartStart Program couldn't be executed.  Who could blame them really?  A thousand dollars ($1,000) worth of training for each volunteer was needed and if not enough money was allocated to the program then it won't run.

A picture of the Red Cross Lower Mainland Center in Burnaby, BC

We first engaged in the two days "standard" first aid course.  I took it last year with Amelia but Kenny, the head of the SmartStart program, said that it is better to take it to refresh our memory.  After all, we will be teaching the course itself, so, repeating all of the content would reinforce that knowledge to your brain.  the more you remember, the more accurate and detailed your lecture will be, right?  And, lo and behold!  The manikins we used during the first aid course.

Resusci Anne manikins

These are older dolls compared to the ones I first encountered when I took the Standard First Aid Course last year.  Amelia had those Anne dolls with a flashing light at the acromion end of the clavicle.  If the light is green, it means you're doing the compression at the right pace, depth and force.  However, if it is orange (or red?)  it means, you are either doing the compressions too fast or too slow, too light or too heavy.  But of course, those kinds of manikins are more expensive.  And as much as I know how Kenny would like to update the equipment for teaching first aid, she can't really spend money on that right now, considering the mishap that happened last year wherein the program wasn't able to run because of money restrictions.  Maybe in a few months or so, they will have a few of those manikins.  Or maybe they already have it but they just don't bring it out much.  Anyway, when you are in the field, it wouldn't matter if you used those more advanced manikins or not.  All that matters is how you will be able to deliver CPR immediately and as accurately as possible.  No flashing lights to tell you that you're doing it right or not.  Just the unconcious person in front of you, a lot of bystanders and your knowledge of first aid.

So aside from practicing the cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), we also practiced almost all of the skills in the first aid hand book.  Bandaging and splinting took the longest!  We weren't able to finish on the first day and had to carry over the lower extremity splinting on the second day.   And it's also kind of funny how we were dismissed earlier on the second day, considering how we covered a lot more topics that day.  Maybe it's because there were fewer questions that day and a lot more floor work.  After all of the skills were done and Kenny was satisfied with what we were showing, we wrapped things up.

After care!

From left to right:  Irene, Mona, Me, Sun, Sam, Kenny and Silvia

I asked to take home a baby doll because I found it hard to give the baby breaths.  I wasn't satisfied with the practice I had and felt that I could improve if I practiced more at home.  Kenny was happy to lend us all the dolls!  Elie Mei practiced with me and pretended to be the baby's mother.  It made practice more fun!  The skills test went fine after that so I guess I have to thank my little sister for being in character for me.  From here on out though, I have to retain the knowledge I got and strive to improve the detail I put in practice.  That way, I could improve the content of my teaching.   I can't wait to share these magnificent life saving skills with other people.

The Baby Anne manikin I took home :)

Hoping to better myself along with Red Cross!